Brad Henderson

Let's Learn a New Word: "O-bliv-i-os-i-ty"

by Brad Henderson

It just happened again. I’m driving across town, and, lo and behold, some teenage kid walking down the sidewalk takes a ninety-degree turn and ventures into the open street. He dilly-dallies across my lane, totally clueless that I’m heading straight toward him going 25 mph (actually 35 mph, but let's say 25 for the purpose of this public disclosure). I hit the brakes and screech to a stop to avoid hitting him. The kid finishes ambling over the dotted white line, across the opposite lane, and onto the sidewalk on the other side. I’m vexed. At no point did he turn his head, flinch, or acknowledge my car to the slightest degree. He appeared to have a functional set of all five senses--although one of them, of course, his hearing, was not fully available due to the obstruction of iPod ear-bud headphones stuck into his ear holes. Otherwise, though, he was in full-on analog mode--neither texting on his cell phone, surfing the web, nor watching an "extreme" YouTube video of a dog sitting in a corner eating Cheetos at someone's wedding reception.

No, this kid should have heard something--especially when I honked my horn for the thirteenth time; when the hot, polluted air my car was pushing ahead of its grill blew into him (right before he and the grill almost collided); and when his peripheral vision just had to, at some point, register that my car and I were in his personal space. And all this happened within the optimal, market-tested duration of a full-length TV commercial. Yes, I am certain that there was something sucking away this kid's attention and that it came from inside of him.

He was experiencing what I call “obliviosity.”

When I was growing up, there was no such thing as obliviosity. I had not yet invented the term. Now, you can't help but acknowledge that this behavior prevails among today's youth, unmistakably presenting itself as (a) glassy-eyed self-absorption; (b) the retarding of all forms of physical motion, like walking across a street, climbing into a car to go on a required family outing, or doing assigned chores such as raking leaves in the front yard; and (c) a signature lower countenance that involves breathing in and out of a perennially open mouth.

I am not saying these tendencies are "new." They have always been around. All kids, since time immemorial, especially those going through puberty and plagued with mild acne, have been prone to universal drift--spacing out, lollygagging, and sticking their heads in the clouds. It’s perfectly normal for human beings at this age to have a number of extremely important things to ruminate about--such as convincing their parents to buy them a fancier cell phone (or, back when I was kid, a better eight-track stereo) and fantasizing about members of the opposite sex who are “hot,” (or in the diction of my yesteryear, "bodacious").

What is unique about 21st century "obliviosity" is how this behavior is so empathetically tolerated by society. When I was a teenage kid in the 1970s, if my parents, teachers, or pretty much any adult in charge of me, caught me not paying attention when I was supposed to, or fiddle-faddling around, they would either employ tactile communication like shaking me until my teeth rattled, or opt to say something like, “Hey, you turkey, get your head out of your patoot,” or “What the hell's matter with you? Do you have rocks in your head?" If these things threatened me, scared me, or, God forbid, lowered my self-esteem, the adults back then didn’t give a rat’s hind end. In days of old, when tough love and mild corporal punishment was sold as parental gospel by geniuses like Dr. Spock and great world leaders like President Lyndon B. Johnson, it was perfectly okay to make a kid (or any vulnerable and defenseless human being, for that matter) feel bad or “less than” something or someone else--if the disciplined subject was being "taught a lesson."

It wasn't so bad. I mean the state of affairs, back before holistic, "no one left behind," self-esteem-first social consciousness. Look at me, for example. I grew up in "the time of spanking" (outside of S & M parlors) and I am now a well-adjusted, gainfully employed adult, who has tapered off anti-depressants, has fully actualized his inner self, and is now seeing a psychotherapist no more than twice monthly, or whatever my HMO's mental health clause stipulates. Really, the so-called emotional and verbal abuse was no big deal. I remember my parents chastising and goading me about “not living up to their expectations.” I can recall their voices telling me, “I better get it gear, or I might grow up to be a worthless, no good, blight on society like so-and-so"--for instance, that kid down the street, Dougie Carl, who was a perfectly nice boy when he was younger, but who was now almost 20 years old, still loafing after high school, mooching off his folks, and driving a loud car around the neighborhood at all hours.

I'm not suggesting that we need to go back to the practice of keeping kids in line by busting their chops and boxing their ears, or slicing and dicing our precious youth into uneven categories: smart, popular, fast, slow, nerds, thespians, goodie-two-shoes, hicks, surfers, jocks, truants, dipsticks, hoodlums, and there's always got to be a couple of goobers. The whole type-casting thing is so very, very wrong, especially when everyone thinks you're a goober. But for posterity's sake, I do admit: when I was a kid, I liked having a variety of terms to sling at my peers, rather than the one and only, utterly classless and asexual, politically correct choice that is currently apropos, that is, "dude."

Seriously, what I'd like to put forth is the idea that no matter what kind of kid an old-fashioned kid was, as a result of the pressure and twists of competition, self-awareness, gender, ethnicity, culture, and so on, he or she was not spared having to deal with a few basic principles of self-preservation--such as the avoidance of imminent danger, the protocol of right of way (as well as expressions such as "please, excuse me" and "thank you"), and common sense deferment to big, fast-moving objects headed straight for you. That there may be negative repercussions for the current generation's lack of these albeit barbarically nurtured (or perhaps natured) traits is, of course, due to some obsolete and oppressive system--and there is no one enlightened contemporary person, or group, responsible or to blame.

Many would argue that obliviosity is not something we can uniquely attach to youth--that it is rampant among almost all persons beyond babe-hood in the 21st C. They would have us think exponentially advancing computer technology, the internet, and the new invisible-digital Cloud that hangs over all of us are what has removed contemporary humans' primal awareness of things outside of themselves. They would have us note that the blessing and curse of Newtonian Physics do not infect cyberspace--or, at least, not to the extent that there are life or death consequences that are actually real and without the luxury of computer-game resets, micro-second reincarnations, and the whole kill, but not be killed bravado, if you're behind the anointed console--pushing buttons, eating potato chips, and slamming Mountain Dew. Case in point, my girl friend has two young boys--both intellectually gifted, and expert computer game players. Last year, there was talk of getting them a BB gun for Christmas. Actually, it was my idea. However, when we marketed-tested the idea by asking them nonchalantly, "Do you think a good Christmas gift for you boys would be a BB gun?" The lads replied, "Sure!! That would be awesome! Will you get us two so we can shoot each other?"

The idea that a BB gun was a real gun that could actually hurt you and make you feel real pain and bleed real, messy analog blood, escaped them because of the time they live in. Then there are the adults--driving down the highways texting, playing video games, and doing much worse and cyber-pornographic things, like juggling the e-stock market.

My lament is especially for the youth. It's the youth who keep walking in front of me and my car. They're kids. I feel responsible for them. It's a mess. We’ve reared a whole generation of young people who shuffle around the sidewalks, streets, and shopping malls like vegetarian zombies, acting like they needn't worry about anything going on around them beyond the air that lies on the surface of their skin. They assume they have wizard's force fields around them and pay no mind to obstacles, stationary or moving toward them. When push comes to shove, sometimes they even act smug. Like, for example, the other day I was shopping at the Fast 'n Easy, and this teenage couple with dual headsets plugged into the same iPod walked into me head-on. I said, "Hey, you two. Do you have rocks in your heads? Watch out."

This sage advice was not well received. The girl glared at me as if I were a tardy parking valet and she was Paris Hilton. The guy dude said, “Hey, what’s up, man? I’ve got rights.”

So I said, "Do you two youngsters know what a goober is?"

They did not. I left it at that.

Again, I’m not saying it’s unnatural for a kid to be a space cadet. If it were, God wouldn’t have created puppy love, glory days, and cute innocence on the sixth day, while He was feeling ultra nostalgic, and before He rested. I know it's probably hopeless for me to expect life as we know it to revert back to a state where all people, young and old, actually look left, then right, when crossing the street, even if they're in a cross-walk and the light is green, because, just to be safe, it’s good to watch out for your another-name-for-donkey. I am also hoping futilely for other things. For example, I'd like boys and young gentlemen to wear their trousers higher and girls and young ladies to wear their thongs lower, so I, and other modest elders, don't have to see these kids' "drawers." Ideally, I'd like to be able to bust on them with strategic, humorous-yet-instructional razzes like, "Hey, dumb-dumb. I see London, I see France, I see someone's underpants...." However, if I did so I'd probably end up hurting someone's feelings and then being incarcerated for various forms of abuse. I suppose I need to learn to how to be less judgmental and more sensitive. Maybe I'll quit driving, and just ride a bike. However, I will only do so because it makes me feel good and deliciously righteous--not because you're trying to control me and take away my right to do whatever. I'd like to remind you not to be oblivious. I am a 21st C. human being, not some goober.